Today, I was walking into work, doing the usual-balancing a paper box full of stuff from Wal-Mart while carrying a piping hot Pumpkin Spice Latte and a huge purse over 40 yards from my car to my office and opening all the doors and getting to my desk without an assist, when I thought, when's this gonna be an Olympic event?
So, then I started thinking about the Secretary Olympics. But I would not be good at that. Think about it, it would be time typing, filing exercises, creating an overly detailed calendar for 20 faculty members. Nope, I'd never make it out of the qualifying rounds. But, the Librarian Olympics, I'd be rocking the all around in that!
Let's take a closer look at the events:
1. Speed Shelving: You'd put a full cart of DVDs in order, then shelve as fast as possible, but would also be judged on accuracy.
2. Craft Creativity: Tim Gunn would hand you random craft supplies like plastic bottle caps, fun foam, pipe cleaners, and those little plastic containers that cherry tomatoes come in (the ones that look like spaceships) and ask you to make a Three Bears Themed Craft. You have 10 minutes-make it work!
3. Reader's Advisory: An eight year old asks you for that book with the blue cover that his school librarian talked about 3 weeks ago. Again, you are judged on speed, accuracy, and refraining from rolling your eyes and being sarcastic.
4. The Great Book Hunt: You have five minutes to find The Mark of Athena which has been crazily mishelved for a waiting patron. Yes, it makes total sense that this book is located under the couch in the toy area.
5. Purchasing Craft Supplies: You will be given a crazy list of needed craft supplies and set lose on Target at 5:00 pm on a Wednesday. Your goal is to get in, get out, get everything on your list, and not tick off the cashier when you want to use tax exempt. And you must do all of this with a straight face, like people always by curling ribbon, Pringles, wax paper, and assorted mittens using a tax exemption.
6. Delivering Craft Supplies to Office: In one trip you will need to walk 50 yards carrying 7 bags from Target, coffee, your purse, your work bag and your lunch through the front doors of the library and down a flight of stairs, because of course the elevator is broken, to your desk. Again, you will be judged on time, accuracy, ability to open doors without an assist (because that handicapped accessible button is broke too) and refraining from mowing down several dozen screaming children.
What else should librarians do in the Olympics? Silence a group of screaming three year olds? Kick a group of rowdy teens out of the computer lab without using physical violence or swearing? Appeal to the director for more money for supplies, or at least start stocking toilet paper again? What do you think?
I'm ready people. Let's get librarianing in the Olympics!